Sharing My Story to Help You through Yours

There’s no place like home. You’ll find me there much of the time. Starting my mornings either on my couch or on my deck (depending on weather), with my coffee, journal, and  Bible. I work from home. I write from home. I workout at home. If I’m not at home, I’m likely out enjoying the outdoors, bargain hunting, enjoying coffee at a nearby cafe, or traveling. And after being away, there is such warmth and warm fuzzies associated with coming home.

Home is a safe place.
But is hasn’t always been that way for me.

Past

My first marriage was a heart crushing journey. I know what it’s like to feel like you’re doing everything right, but wrestle with the confusion around why you feel stuck at the bottom of a deep pit. Or what it’s like to feel like your heart is getting ripped out, but you don’t even understand why. Or what it’s like to be presented with truth that suddenly explains everything that’s made you feel crazy. How it feels to be betrayed, taken advantage of, or treated like you don’t matter. What it’s like to realize people aren’t who you thought they were. What it’s like to step through the brutal realities of divorce and loss. It’s a messy and imperfect story. 

But God. 

He never let go of my hand. He answered my prayers, but not how I expected. He rescued me. He led me into healing and redemption.

I’m now married to a man who is more than anything I could have asked for or imagined. We pray daily for the blessing and miracle of a baby. 

But life isn’t about getting through just one valley and reaching your mountaintop. That’s a fairytale. Life is a series of valleys and mountains. 

I also know what it’s like to struggle with fertility. To go through the heartbreak each month when your only prayer comes back with a resounding “not this time.” To go through all the tests, and have procedures, to where there is now no reason you can’t have children. Unexplained infertility they call it. I know what it’s like to finally get a positive pregnancy test, only to miscarry 9.5 weeks later. And not just once, or twice, but three times. I know what it’s like to have 3 little ones in heaven, and none here on earth.

But God. 

He provides peace, strength, and hope in the middle of the storm. God is good. Always. So when it seems like everything is going wrong. When nothing makes sense. When it feels cruel and unfair. Hang on to God. He won’t let go of your hand, so don’t let go of His. When he says “no” or “not this  time” or “wait,” it’s not because He is cruel, it’s because He has an even better plan. Just wait.

I trust in His plan for our future. 
I trust in His plan for your future. 

And so can you.

Parts of my story aren’t things I wish on anyone. Sometimes, especially when I’m dealing with a trauma trigger, I wish I hadn’t gone through any of it. But without it all, I would not be who I am today and would not know my God the way I do now. Both of which I wouldn’t trade for anything, and both reasons to be thankful for the hard times. 

God doesn’t cause the pain, but He will use it for good. If you let Him. He will use it to draw you to Himself. He will use it to develop and strengthen your character. He will use your experiences and pain to help encourage others around you. But you must be willing. Be willing to run to Him. Be willing to let Him work on you. Be willing to let him use you for good.

I remember thinking, “If I can help even just one person, it will make all my pain worth it.”  

Ever since, I’ve felt this calling to write about my story and the lessons I’ve learned. I’ve never considered myself a writer, so you can bet I’ve been dragging my feet on this one. But that is why I am here. I am just a heart willing to let God use my story to help you through yours. To Him be all the glory. 

• I am not trying to make it about me: I am not the hero of my story, God is. While I will share pieces of my experiences as examples, my focus will be on the lessons I learned.

• I am not trying to make myself sound smarter than I am: I am not an expert. There is a lot I don’t know or understand. I do not have any official Bible training. I am not a therapist. Think of me as your sister, just lovingly sharing my experiences. My grandfather, father, father-in-law, and brother-in-law are all either currently or retired pastors, each with at least one Biblically related Doctorate degree, so any Bible messages I bring you will be researched and have their Biblically educated eyes on it. They all know way more than me. 

• Acting as if my story is the worst: Many women are going through tragedies similar but also much worse than mine. My heart pours out to you and I’d love to hear your stories and the wisdom you’ve learned along the way. If you are willing, I’d love to do a guest blog post to share some of the biggest lessons you’ve learned. 

I’m an open book about what I’ve been through.

I desire that God use me to encourage and help other women that are struggling with toxic relationships, divorce, infertility, miscarriages, and other things that caught them off guard and left them broken and confused. I’d prefer to sit with you at a coffee shop and connect face to face. But for many, that won’t be an option, so I hope my little corner on the internet will be a bright spot in your day.

You are not alone. You are not crazy. Your feelings are valid. Your questions are welcome and won’t be judged. We are all imperfect, messy people that were never created to be alone. So let’s journey together, hand in hand, with our Bibles open, through this crazy thing called life. 

One thing you most certainly can expect, I will continue pointing you to Jesus.